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 PostPosted: Fri May 16, 2008 6:30 am Reply with quote  
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  e-Bob
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Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a
smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end,
puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she
is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand
of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.

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 PostPosted: Mon May 19, 2008 5:38 am Reply with quote  
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  e-Bob
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Here's a pretty imaginative and cool short.

http://fc01.deviantart.com/fs13/f/2007/077/2/e/Animator_vs__Animation_by_alanbecker.swf

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 PostPosted: Tue May 20, 2008 8:50 am Reply with quote  
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  e-Bob
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Top 10 Caddy Comments.....

10. Golfer: Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake!
Caddy: Think you can keep your head down that long?

9. Golfer: I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course!
Caddy: Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth!

8. Golfer: Do you think my game is improving?
Caddy: Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now!

7. Golfer: Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?
Caddy: Eventually!

6. Golfer: You've got to be the worst caddy in the world!
Caddy: I don't think so. That would be too much of a coincidence!

5. Golfer: Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction.
Caddy: It's not a watch, it's a compass!

4. Golfer: How do you like my game?
Caddy: Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.

3. Golfer: Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day.

2. Golfer: This is the worst course I've ever played on.
Caddy: This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago.

And the #1 best caddy comment:

Golfer: That can't be my ball, it's too old.
Caddy: It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.

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 PostPosted: Wed May 21, 2008 11:55 am Reply with quote  
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  e-Bob
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The Wedding Fairy

A married couple in their early 60's was celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet
beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, "For being such an
exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this
time, I will grant you each a wish." The wife answered! , "Oh, I want to
travel around the world with my darling husband." The fairy waved her
magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in
her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: "Well, this is all very romantic, but
an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but
my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me." The wife, and the
fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy
waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband turned 92 years old.

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 PostPosted: Thu May 22, 2008 8:26 am Reply with quote  
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  e-Bob
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Sex After Death

A couple made a deal that whomever died first would
come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their
biggest fear was that there was no after life.

After a long life together, the husband was the first
to die. True to his word, he made the first contact,
'Connie ....Connie.'

'Is that you, Joe?'

'Yes, I've come back like we agreed.'

'That's wonderful! What's it like?'

'Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have
breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have
sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a
couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be
proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf
course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the
afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course
again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch
some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts
all over again.'

'Oh, Joe you surely must be in Heaven!'

'Not exactly ...

I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona.'

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 PostPosted: Fri May 23, 2008 9:17 am Reply with quote  
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  e-Bob
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Lets see if we can get Bill to try this out at Joe's BBQ tomorrow after he's had a few too many martini's cheers rambo Nemo drunken

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6943201001782160188

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 PostPosted: Tue May 27, 2008 9:01 am Reply with quote  
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  e-Bob
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What's the difference between women and men?

- A woman will fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.

- A man will fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.

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 PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2008 8:49 am Reply with quote  
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  e-Bob
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With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it
is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which
almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote 'The Hokie Pokey' died peacefully at
the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him
into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started!
.
.
.
.
Shut up. You know it's funny.

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 PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2008 7:16 am Reply with quote  
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  e-Bob
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Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperms together and then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated.

When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.

One dozen babies are in the ward eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely.

A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the two gays she points out the happy child as theirs.

'Isn't it wonderful?' one gay says to the other. 'All these unhappy babies...and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves our love for one another.'

The nurse says 'oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when we pull the Thermometer out of his ass.

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 PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2008 2:07 pm Reply with quote  
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  e-Bob
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Interesting observation:

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
and........
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

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 PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 7:18 am Reply with quote  
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  e-Bob
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My favorite.


A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord
said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant
you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous
bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly
exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to
justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of
something that would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time.

Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to
know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says "nothing's wrong", and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

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 PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 7:24 am Reply with quote  
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  e-Bob
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A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual.... 'I have a headache.'
'Perfect,' her husband said.
'I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin.
You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to you.'

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 PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:15 am Reply with quote  
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  e-Bob
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A guy was out drinking with some old friends. It was the first time out in years since he got married. He looked at his watch, it was 7:00, and said to his friends" I have to get going, my wife's expecting me and she will be mad if I'm late".

His buddies replied " aw, come on! you haven't been out for so long, have another".

OK, just one more.....

One led to two, three .....

He looked at his watch and next thing you know it was 11:00
"I'm in trouble now! My wife is going to kill me!!

His buddy states " Don't worry I have the solution to your problem." "Once you get home, you tiptoe down the hall, sneak into the bedroom, go up under the covers from the bottom of the bed, once you get to the sweet spot start licking, don't stop and she will never remember you were gone"!

So the guy goes home, tiptoes down the hall, sneaks into the bedroom, goes up under the covers from the bottom of the bed, gets to the sweet spot and starts licking, soon shes moaning like hell, and he's thinking " Yes! I'm in the clear"!

After a while (and all those drinks) he has to take a leak. So, he slips out the bottom of the bed, tiptoes down the hall to the bathroom, opens up the door and finds his wife sitting there on the toilet ! ! !

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE"!!!!! he exclaims

she replies SSSHHHHH!!!!! You'll wake mother!!!!!!

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 PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 5:38 am Reply with quote  
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  e-Bob
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A husband and wife are shopping in the grocery store, and the husband picks up a case of Budweiser and put's it in their shopping cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 18 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the shopping cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 18 cans of Budweiser and its half the price'.

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 PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 7:25 am Reply with quote  
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  e-Bob
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