A guy was out drinking with some old friends. It was the first time out in years since he got married. He looked at his watch, it was 7:00, and said to his friends" I have to get going, my wife's expecting me and she will be mad if I'm late".
His buddies replied " aw, come on! you haven't been out for so long, have another".
OK, just one more.....
One led to two, three .....
He looked at his watch and next thing you know it was 11:00
"I'm in trouble now! My wife is going to kill me!!
His buddy states " Don't worry I have the solution to your problem." "Once you get home, you tiptoe down the hall, sneak into the bedroom, go up under the covers from the bottom of the bed, once you get to the sweet spot start licking, don't stop and she will never remember you were gone"!
So the guy goes home, tiptoes down the hall, sneaks into the bedroom, goes up under the covers from the bottom of the bed, gets to the sweet spot and starts licking, soon shes moaning like hell, and he's thinking " Yes! I'm in the clear"!
After a while (and all those drinks) he has to take a leak. So, he slips out the bottom of the bed, tiptoes down the hall to the bathroom, opens up the door and finds his wife sitting there on the toilet ! ! !
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE"!!!!! he exclaims
she replies SSSHHHHH!!!!! You'll wake mother!!!!!!
Veni, Vidi, Velcro (I came, I saw, I stuck around.)